January 08, 2003

forensic pee investigation

apologies for the lack of updates. i was various combinations of busy, at parties, out of town, and lazy.

on 31st december, myself and 18 of my closest friends, people i've known since university but still wouldn't trust my life with and their various girlfriends, spent new year's eve at a cabin outside merville over on the island.

at approximately 3:15am i retreated to bed, sleepy and remarkably sober, having consumed only one bottle of champagne. i slept alone in the top bunk in a room with two sets of bunk beds, the same bed i had been sleeping on for four nights.

at a time later determined to be roughly 5:10am i felt a rustling next to me and noticed the presence of another person, a small person. in my sleepy haze i was unable to determine whether the mysterious intruder had just climbed into the bed or had climbed in earlier, unnoticed by me, and had merely moved enough to wake me.

seconds later i felt something warm and wet radiating out from the intruder's crotch area.

i used my acrobatic skills to leap down to the floor, all ninja-like, mostly avoiding whatever it was emanating from the stranger's groin. i stood, in shocked silence, for what was quite likely 5 minutes or more thinking "the first thing that i did in 2003 was get peed on by a mystery stranger". i then though "the second thing i will do in 2003 is take a motherfucking shower".

all the other beds were taken so i found some spare blankets and, finding the couch already occupied, pulled the cushions off the 3 lounge chairs in the living room and slept a fitful sleep on the floor.

the next morning, the identity of the stranger was revealed (a girl) and an extensive investigation failed to yield conclusive evidence as to whether the liquid was pee or a warm glass of water brought to bed as a hangover cure.

evidence in favour of water:
1. the no-longer-mysterious stranger's explanation
2. no obvious discolouration of sheet

evidence in favour of pee:
1. no glass found in or near bed, refuting evidence 1 above
2. crotch-level localization and warm-somewhat hot temperature of spill
3. stranger was very very very drunk indeed (large alcohol intake may have cleared pee to the point where no discolouration of the sheet would have occured)
4. majority (~95%) of people who heard the story (sample size = 15), including those present and the independent judge whose ruling was sought all say "pee"

so i ask you people:
2. PEE
3. ______________

please comment with your explanation.

Posted by missjenn at January 8, 2003 01:24 PM
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